Fakes, liars & whores: Same-sex dating

By Anare V. Holmes
producer@pridetv.org
I love visiting public libraries and bookstores in my downtime.
I can always count on discovering a new fact or bit of info I hadn’t previously known prior to entering my neighborhood library or favorite book retailer.
It was a surprise to me that during my regular visit to Atlanta’s famed Outwrite bookstore, I found myself walking right into a conversation about the dating scene here it in the city this past weekend.
“The men here are fake, liars and whores,” said a gentleman who was talking to a mutual friend I had stopped to say hi to. The journalist in me couldn’t help but stick around to find out where this conversation was going.
The young man wailed on about how he couldn’t wait to move.
He simply had enough.
Not only were the men no good, he claimed, but he certainly had his share of bad luck and life challenges. He was now ready to return to California, his previous home.
“How are the men here, any different than anywhere else?” I asked.
“At least in California, you can expect some of the fakeness,” he said. “But here, people mask that and try to act friendly when they’re really trying to be more than what they are,” he said.
Hmmm.
This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this.

In the four years I’ve lived in Atlanta, I’ve encountered many people who have become jaded about finding love. Hell, I’ve also lived in Indianapolis, in the sticks of America’s Heartland, and heard the same thing there.
Sometimes, listening to Black gay men discuss their dating woes reminds me a lot of reading and hearing about the experiences Black women have when it comes to finding Mr. Right.
Many of their experiences can be summed up in one line, “Men ain’t shit.”
Yet, my optimism leads me to believe God will grant every man or woman the desires of their hearts.
If a person wants to have a relationship, they will have one, doggone it!
To be honest, I’ve never been much of a dater.
For me, dating usually implies you are seeing more than one person at any given time. And, I’ve never been a fan of letting too many people into my intimate space.
There are just too many stories for me to keep straight when dating multiple people.
I need consistency in my life.
Once I identify at least 6 or 7 of the 10 things my ideal man must meet in order for me to give love a try-- I’m set. Time to rock and roll, baby!

I’m now in my third relationship with a good Black man.
We’ve been together four years this May. My last relationship with a guy lasted five years and my very first same-sex relationship lasted two years.
Having been partnered most of my adult life, I admit, I don’t have any dating advice to give.
I only know relationships require a great deal of work and that each couple has to negotiate what is going to work for them.
So, let’s get back to the young man who said all the men in Atlanta are “fake, liars and whores.”
Are there women, who feel the same way about the lesbian dating pool here, I wondered?
Since there aren’t any books in the library or bookstore I can turn to for answers, for the next couple of weeks PrideTV will explore dating and relationships in the Black LGBT community.
We’ll need your help on this one.
As the fight for marriage equality gains momentum, PrideTV offers a safe space to talk about love and relationships in an honest and frank way.
Our question this week, what are some of the challenges to same sex-dating?
Send comments to: mystory@pridetv.org